I write about the human ideal of merger with the Cosmic Consciousness. I say that the ego is the main obstacle towards reaching that goal. I say ego is the veil that hides the truth.
Over the last 30 years my ego has been pulverized by difficult life experiences but I still have an oversized ego. After years of struggle I stopped fighting with my ego. I am simply watching it and trying to recognize its antics.
I was a professional physicist for 12 years. I quit physics in frustration after our dream project Supercollider was canceled by the US Congress in 1993. Since then I have been a programmer and a quantitative researcher in the business world. Are any of these professions compatible with spiritual practice? Are they helping me reach my goal of human perfection? Are they obstacles? There are no easy answers.
These professions are not helping, that’s clear but I am not sure that we can differentiate between the professions. I don’t like the fact that I have to think numbers for 12 hours a day in the business world. I want to think spiritual philosophy for 12 hours a day. My daily life would have been very different if I continued as a professional physicist. I would have been thinking physics for 12 hours a day and I would have had much more freedom. The world of quantitative finance can be very restrictive on personal freedoms. The world of physics on the other hand is the world of big egos. Physicists can be very self-centered. I am not sure which world is more conducive to spiritual practice.
In the last 32 years, I have been studying religions and spiritual philosophies intensively. I have been practicing meditation too. My spiritual practice has been focused on Divine Love. Yet, in my daily life there are moments that I act as if I have never done any spiritual practice. I have many imperfections.
Ego is the main obstacle but there is another one. There is another obstacle slowing our progress towards the human ideal. It is our complexes, regrets and shame.
I have been working on my first book titled “Spiritual Philosophy: Love, Ego and Consciousness.” This book is a systematic presentation of my synthesis of spiritual philosophy. As I work on the book I go through periods of doubt. I doubt my qualifications for writing such a book. If there is a satan…this is what it does…it gives you doubts. It tells me that I am imperfect therefore I cannot write about the human goal of perfection. I know I am imperfect but I am also very sure of the inspired thoughts and intuitions I have been receiving. I feel that it is my duty to share those in a systematic and rational way. I will not let my complexes or weaknesses stop me from accomplishing my goals.
Shrii Shrii Anandamurti had a persistent message. He constantly reminded us that we are the children of God and He loves us very much and guides us toward perfection. He said “Life is a movement from imperfection to perfection.” He also said “Be free from all complexes, and move along the path of righteousness with a balanced mind, with mental equilibrium and mental equipoise.”
You have to watch your ego but you have to watch your complexes too. Do not let them hold you back.